i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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