So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
