She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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