ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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