Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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