I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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