A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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