I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
