Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
