He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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