You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
