Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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