i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
