Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
