i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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