this beer tastes like vomit already
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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