So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
