U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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