Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
