Already got asked if we're dating
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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