Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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