i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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