My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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