put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
