Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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