He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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