the condom got lost in my hair
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
