My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
