i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do herpes really smell.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
