The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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