I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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