Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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