dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
