Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
