he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
