Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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