I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
