no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
