Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
