Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
