Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
