): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
