well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
