There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
