My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
