I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
