his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
