That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
