Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
