Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
